Cold Feet
by DevDev
Summary: Jubilee and Logan have a late night talk.


My feet are freezing again.

I don't know how or why, but my feet are always cold. I could have eight pairs of socks on, but they wouldn't help my problem. Nothing has helped my problem, but then again… I kind of assume that nothing ever could.

I can never sleep when they get like this. But then again, I rarely sleep. I grab my CD player without thinking and grab a blanket off my bed. I never sleep without at least three. I take special care not to awaken Rogue again. Last time she wouldn't let me out of her sight. She kept on asking me where I went every night, and how come when I _did_ sleep, I always cried. I always responded with some crap about having stupid irrelevant nightmare that had nothing to do with real life. She never bought it or anything, I knew that, but she did lay off or at least she did until she caught me another time. But I know she could never understand.

Okay, so I know she was tortured by Magneto. I know she went through a lot of pain and I know she was scared senseless and alone all at the same time. And damn right I know what a scary dude Magneto is. And at least I wasn't alone, right?

Wrong.

Sure, they put us together when they were done with us. And I don't know what they did to the others, but I don't really want to. I have images of what they did to me to keep me plenty busy, thank you very much. All I know is that they could be held after they were done being screwed around with. I know that all of them could bury themselves into the arms of another. I couldn't. So technically, I was alone, okay?

The funny thing? I had no shoes the entire time. All I had was this stupid blanket that they wouldn't even let me have when they experimented on me. So my feet were cold then, and they never stopped being cold.

I reach the TV room before I even know it. But I don't turn on the set; I don't even look at it. I take my CD player and headphones and put them on. But I don't put any music on. How could I even dare?

The last time I had listened to music was the time they had come. I wasn't paying attention and music had been blasting into my ear. Sure, I heard the scream. I would have been deaf not to. But the scream came too late.

So, I was the easy target. They came from behind, grabbed me and ran. I struggled, yes, but it was effortless.

When I woke up, I was strapped to a table struggling for my blanket. They wouldn't let me keep it, but then again, who would have expected them to. And then they experimented. And my feet haven't been warm since.

All the other kids tried to speak to me when I met them. They were all rejoicing and hugging and laughing, but I couldn't. I grabbed my blanket they had given back to me, holed myself into a corner and wouldn't come out for three hours. Even when the three hours were over, I wouldn't speak to anyone else, but I guarded the door and would have given my entire life for them not to take anyone else again.

So the blue dude comes in and saves us all. And I'd give anything to repay him; I just haven't had the time yet, ya know I've been busy uh… filling his shampoo with syrup every morning.

And then, we almost die again, but Magneto and Mystique save us. And then we almost die again, but Storm and Nightcrawler save us again. And then Logan saves us. And then… _almost_, we nearly die _again_. But Jean saves us and she dies instead.

My feet have never been colder.

I see him the instant he nears the door. I launch out of my spot, ready to throw fireworks the second he comes any closer.

"Ya always sit in tha dark at night?"

I sigh when I hear his rough voice. It's only Wolverine, and that's a big relief. "I was listening to music." He nods at me and then takes a seat on the couch across from mine. He has a soda in hand, and takes a sip.

"How come ya don't sleep?"

I look up from the couch cushion I'm intently focusing on and look at him. "How come you _know_ I don't sleep?" He smiles at me and takes another drink. I go back to studying the couch cushion, oddly comfortable with the silence that echoes in the room. It's barely ever this quiet in school, and it seems like we both want to cherish it. "How come you saved us?" It was bold, even for me. But it had nagged me for the past month, or at least ever since he had done it, whichever you choose.

"It was tha right thing, kid."

"But you didn't even… _have_ to. You didn't have to direct us away from that water; you could have left us all to drown. You could have left us to swim like fish without gills or like butterflies without wings or like a shark without t-"

"I get what yer sayin', kid. But, I couldn't leave all of ya like that."

"_All_ of us or just Jean?" He shoots me a surprised look. And I guess I have taken a step too far, but it has been bugging me. And everyone knows I'm not the one to keep words too much inside of myself.

"Listen kid, ta make it short, I would'a done it even if it had only been you yerself. It didn't matter who was down there, I did it and what's done is done."

We sit in silence for a few more minutes. I'm still staring at the lovely cushion and he's still sipping his soda quietly. I know he's no Ask Abby wannabe or anything near it, but I have to ask someone and he seems like the right person. "Why'd she do it? Why is it that what she did is done? Why can't it… just be… just not be real?"

He nestles the bottle of empty soda in between two cushions and rubs the back of his head. "I don't know kid! An' I've been askin' that fer a very long time, but I don't know! How am I supposed to know all this stuff? What makes ya think we got all tha answers?" He gets up and growls.

"I thought you would know, okay? I thought anyone but me would know why the hell she did it, okay? I wish it would all just go away and she would be back, okay? You guys weren't the only ones affected, so stop acting like it. OKAY?" I get up too and stalk past him. "I'm so sick of everyone thinking that just because we're kids that whole stupid stunt that asshole pulled didn't affect us too! It did! And that's why I can't sleep, okay?"

"Okay." He's staring at me, and we stand there for a moment. I'm still clenching my fists and breathing heavily, he's still standing there with a pained look on his face. "I'm sorry, darlin'."

"I'm… I guess I'm sorry too dude. It's just that… I miss her too."

"I know. I know." I look at him again, focusing on his blue eyes.

"You know I was always kind of scared of you, right?"

He laughs and slowly stalks to where the empty bottle of soda is. "Yeah, I might've."

"Well, I'm not now." I walk away out into the hallway and smile when I know he can't see me.

"Hey Jubilee! I hope that doesn't mean my shampoo will be next!"

"Don't worry Wolvie, everyone knows you don't shower anyway!" I laugh as I picture him thinking it over. "Goodnight Wolvie."

"Wolvie?" And before he can think of what that really means, I bound off and up the stairs. When I get to my bed, I realize just how tired I really am. But I'm way hot too. Pushing off all but one blanket, I snuggle into my pillow.

My feet aren't cold; not anymore.

end.


End file.
